Stop your parents fighting! It is the worse thing you do in front of your child.
We used to think that children may not understand when two adults whom they love so much are fighting. When they start yelling at each other, and worse of all, if involves physical aggression, they can feel the parent’s distress as early as they are 6 months old according to studies.
The fact is parents fighting has a great impact on children. Parents fighting creates stressful and hurtful environment which will cause negative effect on children’s mental growth and development.
If you are one of parents who are doing this, this is the article for you. It is a simple guide for the parents out there who are unknowingly doing this in front of your child and hopefully you can understand the long term effect of parents fight on your child mental development in future.
I am not a psychologist. This article is written based on research of some studies related to this topic and i think it is worth your time to read this.
Stop your parents fighting
A lots of parents are fighting unknowingly in front of your children and never aware of how your children feel about it when they witness the fight. A little argument will cause no harm but when it involves physical aggression and hurtful wording, it really matters so much as your child can feel stress in the environment and causing them to feel insecure and unprotected, anxious, worried and sad.
How does it impact on children’s behavior?
Loss of security and become aggressive, create multiple problem at home and in school. Children who have been regularly exposed to stress are more likely to experience developmental delays, affecting their sleeping and learning ability, also fail in getting good relationship with their friends in school and like to be alone.
An overactive stress response can affect children as they grow up, often leading to problems with school performance including learning, communication, and social relationships.
UK and international research conducted over several decades through observations in the home, long-term follow up work and experimental studies, suggests that from as young as six months, children exposed to conflict may have increased heart rates and stress hormone responses.
Why do parents fight?
No doubt, argument between two different person is inevitable especially when the child is born, many issues related to childcare will create more disagreement. It is our duty as a parent to get issues solved in more positive way.
It is important to teach your child how to resolve a issue or a problem in positive approach. If you manage to solve a problem intelligently, discuss the problem openly and work things out together with a happy ending. This will lead to a good example for your kids to learn how to deal with people when they grow up. Physical aggression and raising voices do not help to resolve the problem but it creates more problem in long term relationship.
How to deal in case parents fight is unavoidable?
Comfort your child
Explain to your children even they may not understand the problem. Tell them why we disagree and explain it is just a discussion to find out the best way for the solution. Maybe sound a little too loud but it is just a discussion. Finally, mommy and daddy have found the solution. yeah!
Remind children that they are not the cause of the argument.
Young children may assume that something they have done has caused the argument or that they are the reason for the fight. Try saying something like “Mommy and I are trying to figure out how to put this desk together. I know we sound angry. We are talking about our feelings so we can work this out. We aren’t mad at you! We both love you and we hope we didn’t scare you. You will always be safe when you’re with us.”
Keep your voice down and cool.
If either parent becomes angry or the argument escalates, agree to stop and continue the discussion when your child is not present.
Focus on a solution.
You are less likely to lose your temper and more likely to demonstrate healthy conflict resolution for your child. Start with a shared goal (“We both want him to learn to sit at the table during meals”) and then suggest a practice you can both agree on (“Can we agree that he sits for 10 minutes, after which we let him down and he can play in the kitchen while we finish eating?”).
Be respectful of your partner’s opinion and their point of view. Try to keep an open mind and understand how they see the situation. Let him/her talk and maybe he/she can contribute better solution. Don’t be a bossy partner.
Pay attention to your child.
Pay attention to how your child reacts to the argument. If he/she starts to cry and show worried about the fight, stop immediately the conversation and suggest to your partner that the two of you will continue it later. Comfort your child immediately.
Well, parenting is never an easy task. Be a responsible parents to your child and moderate conflicts are healthy as long as we manage our temper and solving our problem intelligently.
Physical aggression and raising voices are never the best way to get things right in the first place. I will definitely think twice before starting a fight when i see my innocent child.
Please share your experience with us and we would be happy to hear from you. Sharing our experience is able to teach our new parents to have extra caution when dealing with conflicts.
Related post “4 parenting styles – effect on social behavior of a child“