Written by: Cindy Wong

Are you one of them? Read on for signs you are ruining your child’s self-esteem.

Asian Parents: Signs You Might Be Ruining Your Child’s Self-Esteem

Some parents do things that potentially ruin their child’s self-esteem in pursuing this goal. Are you one of them? What causes low self-esteem in childhood? What is self-esteem in child development? Read on for 5 signs you might be ruining your child’s self-esteem.

Let’s be honest—there is something about Asian parenting that can make or break a child. Although we do not want to put anyone in the box, most Asian parents have the same parenting style that is almost stereotypical. Asian moms and dads only have one parenting goal—giving their children a great life in adulthood.

You get angry when your child makes mistakes

Parenting, along with housekeeping and other chores, is tiring. Sometimes, moms and dads tend to overreact when they are tired. Parents may not know or even notice this, but overreacting over your child’s simple mistakes significantly affects their self-confidence. It makes them scared to try on new things in the future.

What you can do:

Use mistakes as an avenue for learning. It will help your children build confidence in handling mistakes in the future.

You compare your child with their siblings and other kids

Yes, Asian parents are guilty of this, especially the older ones. Why can’t you be like your sister, who is so good at Math? Look at your cousin playing basketball better than anyone else; you should be like him. Even if you mean for it to be a challenge for them, these remarks are hurtful and can also make the children feel inferior. In the long run, children will always focus on what they lack because they keep comparing themselves with other people.

What you can do:

One way how to build a child’s self-esteem is by encouraging your children to do well independently. They might be better than other kids in something else.  

Asian Parents: Signs You Might Be Ruining Your Child’s Self-Esteem

You tell your child that the thing they cannot do is easy

First of all, you need to acknowledge that individuals have different capabilities. Some things seem easy for you to do, but your child cannot seem to do well. Likewise, there are things that you cannot seem to do well but seem easy for your child. Telling them that something is easy when they cannot do it will make them think they cannot do even the simplest things.

 What you can do:

Boost your child’s self-esteem by acknowledging that they are challenged and encourage them to do it even if it is hard.

Being a “helicopter” parent can hurt a child’s self-esteem

As parents, you tend to hover over your children a lot. You have good intentions, that’s for sure—you want to protect your kids at all costs. However, your overprotectiveness won’t do any good for your kids. It makes them think that they cannot be trusted to do things on their own, causing them to be dependent and unable to operate on their own.

What you can do:

Let them do their thing—teach them to take responsibility and let them be accountable for their actions and their consequences.

You judge the kids based on academic performance

Another common trait of Asian parents is measuring their children’s capabilities based on academic performance. If a child gets good grades, that child is intelligent and can go places. If a child receives a failing score, that child is lazy and achieves nothing in life. Parents should know better than making their children think they cannot be good at anything. Keep in mind that grades are just numbers.

What you can do:

There are a lot of ways to build self-esteem but try telling your children that failing an exam is not the end of the world, and they can do better next time.

Parents, we know the importance of building your child’s self-esteem at a young age—children who are loved and cared for feel safe and accepted. With your support and encouragement, children are motivated to try new things, learn from them, and develop their skills. Instead of reinforcing strict rules around the house, impose care, support, and love. Try positive parenting.

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